i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
