the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Congratulations! We have a period
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
