Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
