so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
