please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
this hospital has no fireball
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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