I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize