Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
