I bet he comes in French.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
