Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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