every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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