Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
