Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
