Don't make out with my wife yet
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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