Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize