Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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