I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
