I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
