I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
