If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
