My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
