I bet he comes in French.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
