I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
