Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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