You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
where are you?
Hypothermia
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize