Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize