Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
