omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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