Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
