This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
