I just cut my nipple shaving
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
