those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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