Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
