So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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