to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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