that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I cockslap morals
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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