her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
