i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
where are you?
Hypothermia
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
