Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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