guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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