I will die if light touches me.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
