Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
