How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
