I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
