Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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