so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
