her vagine was all disorganized.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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