When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
