that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
