Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I need to align my fucking chakras
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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