sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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