I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
