She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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