you win again, gameday.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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