If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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