Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
