Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sorry about my life...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize