For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize