The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
