I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
