508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
