She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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