he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
