I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
