You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
