you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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